A guide to buying your Christmas turkey.

With pubs flinging their doors open on whatever they can feasibly describe as a ‘garden’ we’re finally allowed to nail lovely pints like the absolute chug lords we are. Hooray! I’ve seen lots of social media noise over the last few days of people competing to show whether they’re more excited about pubs or gyms … Continue reading Bad pints

ieboys.com? The last year has taught us many things, like how much the British public enjoy fetishizing war veterans, that it's impossible to buy too much toilet paper and that you don’t need to be sat in an office five days a week to be capable of sending emails. One of the eye-openers for me, … Continue reading The end of food…

There are four of them again! Hooray! Here comes the slow motion walk to the studio, and these are the headlines: • Jahdre got 3 hours sleep. • Joe thinks he can go all the way. • Luke is nervous. Again, imagine not getting chosen to do that bit because what you said was duller … Continue reading Masterchef the Professionals: Series 13 episode 8

I feel sorry for the three blokes who took part in this episode, not just because for large parts of it they weren’t very good, but because everyone watching was more interested in what happened to the fourth contestant who was subsequently edited out. The start of the show told us: ‘this programme had been … Continue reading Masterchef the Professionals: Series 13 episode 7

Here we go again. Jabari, Ash, Ross all get an intro bit tonight as they do their slow motion walk to the studio, wonder who the fourth is and how boring what they said must have been? Monica wants them to trim some lamb, she is sick of Wareing White Walker (WWW) getting all the … Continue reading Masterchef the Professionals: Series 13 episode 5

Yes! GregGbot 2000 is back, he’s been plugged in to charge and he’s ready to pull his faces again, it’s also good for me as I now have something to write about. No female contestants tonight, which I think sets the horrid tone for this episode. First skills test, Marcus wants them to chop up … Continue reading Masterchef the Professionals: Series 13 episode 4

How is it possibly the quarter finals already? One of these people has made it this far having only proved he can make custard. I made strawberry Angel Delight tonight and you don’t see me being jerked off by William Sitwell as a result. No GregG at this stage of the competition, not needed, his … Continue reading Masterchef the Professionals: Series 13 episode 3

That’s right, I’ve decided to start writing reviews of episodes of Masterchef. That’s also right, I’m starting at episode two as the idea only came to me during episode two and I’ll be damned if I’m watching episode one again. Four contestants tonight, Victor, Michaela, Dave and Harrison. First up the skills test. Wareing, who … Continue reading Masterchef the Professionals: Series 13 episode 2

Look, we've discussed face masks until we're blue in the face... (See what I did there? More often than not people are wearing those blue face masks. It is indeed a strong start.) ...the argument seems to sit pretty squarly on whether you believe: A) They are used to prevent you firing globules of infected … Continue reading We need to talk about hand sanitiser