We need to talk about hand sanitiser

Look, we’ve discussed face masks until we’re blue in the face…

(See what I did there? More often than not people are wearing those blue face masks. It is indeed a strong start.)

…the argument seems to sit pretty squarly on whether you believe:

A) They are used to prevent you firing globules of infected spittle at strangers.

B) They are part of a loony lefty conspiracy theory designed to hamper your dazzling individuality.

Whatever camp people are in on that, they have almost certainly blindly followed ‘rules’ about hand washing. If they’re not belting out ‘Happy Birthday’ and scrubbing their grubby mitts, they’re squirting hand sanitiser on and rubbing their palms together like flies coming up with a brilliant plan. Has no one stopped to question, “WHY?!” Well, I have.

During lockdown I drank alcohol, I’d have it delivered to my door (more often than not from independent retailers – it’s important to sneak this bit in as a reminder of what a saint I am). In four months I probably drank to excess once or maybe twice, I remember having one vague hangover. Since lockdown ended I’ve had at least four hangovers, three of which would have killed off lesser bloggers.

So, what changed? The excitement of being out of the house? The thrill of being back in pubs and restaurants? No, stop speculating. There is one clear difference.

HAND SANITISER

At home I wasn’t sanitising my hands when walking in and out of the garden, or after going to the toilet. Every pub I’ve been in since though, I’ve applied hand sanitiser at least a couple of times. Can you do the mathematics or do you need me to help? Let me whisper this in your ear, “alcohol.”

Most hand sanitisers have a decent whack of alcohol in them, so when using hand sanitiser in a pub you’re rubbing booze between your hands. This often sends a waft of grog up your nostrils and reminds you that you should drink more.

Is that a problem? Not necessarily. I’m just trying to make you aware.

Not convinced? Fine, it’d be a bit like going into a butchers and rubbing pig blood in between your fingers – you’d end up buying more sausages than you know what to do with wouldn’t you? It’s just a fact.

Be well.