Is there such a thing as a Skinny hippopotamus? Is there such a thing as a Fat hippopotamus? I’d imagine most hippopotamuses fall within a very similar weight range.
A bit of research indicates the average male hippopotamus weighs between 236 – 283 stone. Their large bloated bellies allow them to float. Don’t be fooled by their gut though, they can run at 30 mp/h.
Why all this hippopotamus information? I hear you cry. Well, I’m cleverly going to use some of it throughout this review.
I like a burger, you can tell this by looking at my large, bloated belly (see). So, after working up a hunger from spending an hour annihilating zombies at Otherworld I stalked across Bennett’s Hill, careful to avoid any real-life flesheaters, in the direction of Fat Hippo.
I thought I’d try the ‘Glaston-birria’ special, and was reassuringly informed it was the server’s favourite special they’ve ever done.
I fucking dread to think what the others must have been like.
Advertised as the following, you get a sense of what I was expecting: Double beef patty, American cheese, pulled chipotle beef, mozzarella, smashed Cajun tots, chipotle mayo, onion + coriander, served with Hippo seasoned fries + Birria dip
I could go into detail about how the patties were overcooked and under-seasoned, or how for a burger with that amount of ‘stuff’ on it was somehow tasteless. However, instead I’ll let pictures do the talking.
I do have to give special mention to the ‘pulled beef’ atop the patties. They did give me a Glastonbury vibe – in as much as it looked like something plucked from a particularly well-used portaloo.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have ordered the special, perhaps it was an off day, perhaps I should have run at 30 mp/h in the direction of Meat Shack, OPM or Hanbao.