I was on fun time website Twitter.com the other day when I saw a furore about a Times food columnist being paid to write a review of the food at Wetherspoons. Always one to jump on a bandwagon I thought I’d go and eat at a place not renowned for serving good food and then slag it off.
With sod all in the fridge other than bloody soup – tomato and basil (not blood), I decided I’d venture out into the big, bad world of Harborne High Street.
A brief jaunt up the road and there it was, the popular sandwich company Subway. Remember when they used a fat paedophile who became a thin paedophile to promote their business? What larks!
History of Subway
In 1965, Fred DeLuca started “Pete’s Super Submarines” in Bridgeport, Connecticut. In 1968, the sandwich shop was renamed “Subway”. Named after “submarine” sandwiches, or “sub” (after the resemblance of the roll to the shape of a submarine).
There, that’s something to tell your mates down the pub this weekend. It’ll help reinforce their opinion that you’re a bit dull.
There are around 45,000 Subway stores located in 112 countries, with 2,300 of them in the UK.
I know! Quite a few eh? Time for some maths. 365 days of lunch x 45,000 Subway stores = 16,425,000. Let’s say the average store serves 30 people a day. 16,425,000 x 30 = 492,750,000. Let’s say half of them make a joke about 6 inches / penises – we’re talking nearly 250 million. Unbelievable really.
The first thing I noticed as I walked towards the sandwich creation area was the crisps were held behind the counter. The last time I was in one of these places I was free to pick up my own crisps.
Immediately with my guard up, due to feeling that I couldn’t be trusted, I approached the Sandwich Artist. Yes, they are called Sandwich Artists.
“What would you like?” The artist asked.
“I’ll ask the questions. What would you recommend?” I responded.
“Big beef melt.”
“You cheeky, fucker. Oh, there’s a sandwich called that. No. I’ll have a 6 inch, OOH PARDON, Italian BMT. What does the BMT stand for?” I enquired.
“What bread do you want?”
“Herbs and cheese. What does BMT stand for?”
“I don’t know. Cheese and toasted?”
“Brilliantly… meaty… treat, perhaps?”
“Cheese and toasted?”
“YES, CHEESE AND TOASTED!”
Looking at the ingredients for the sandwiches really does get the mouth watering and the tummy rumbling. Mmm delicious, weird coloured meat.
Next thing you know the artist formerly known as ‘sandwich’, opens the flap and removes your warm six inches and is demanding to know what you want to do with it next.
Stick some bloody lettuce and some cucumber on it, please, and a bit of that honey mustard sauce.
Here it is, in all its beauty.
It’s shite isn’t it? We all know it’s shite. It repeated on me throughout the day though, which was nice – value for money.
I contemplated whether I could be a sandwich artist and yes, it turns out I could be.