Review: White Swan Harborne

I walked past here yesterday and noticed they’re closed for refurbishment, perhaps they knew this review was coming in and decided to buck up their ideas.

DISCLAIMER: Before I go off on one (and then feel bad for being mean), I believe upwards of 70% of roasts served up in pubs and restaurants across this land are total shit. How can so many ‘chefs’ not be capable of making decent gravy?

It was the 1st October when we visited, and I’d just decided to sign up to not drink alcohol for a month like the attention seeking twat I am. For this reason I ordered a blackcurrant and soda rather than a delicious pint of booze.

Whoever made it must have filled the pint glass half full of cordial, it was diabetes diabetes in a glass (type two diabetes). I had a sip and sent it back, asking for more soda, it came back just as strong. They took it off the bill in the end.


I can’t remember if that menu above is actually mucky as fuck or if it was a style decision by a drunk designer. I’m fairly certain it’s the former, but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt.

I ordered the rib of beef with mustard seasoning and roasted onion and garlic. It was to be served with roast potatoes, braised red cabbage, honey roasted parsnips, buttered kale, yorkshire pudding and gravy.

Here it is.


First things first – the beef was OK, the Yorkshire pudding was also OK. The potatoes were probably OK when they were hot.

The braised cabbage and, definitely not buttered, kale were very sad, but not as sad as the single, definitely not honey roasted, parSNIP (no SNIPS here).

As for the ‘coarse-grain mustard seasoning and roasted red onion and garlic’, well, to be honest I’m not sure. Was the beef supposed to be seasoned with mustard? Should there be some red onion and garlic on the plate? The only thing I knew was that there was a blob of horseradish. I contemplated asking someone to explain the mustard/onion/garlic situation to me but then I realised that life is short and we will all inevitably die.

Don’t even get me started on the gravy – flavourless, watery, brown piss.

And this is where I get pissed off with roasts, that cost £16. Imagine.

1 boy out of five

And yep, there we have it, I feel horribly guilty now.


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