Mermaids. Hygge. Herring.
A man I know moved to Denmark a couple of years ago. That man? That man is one of the co-founders of the most important food blog of all time – foodieboys.com
That’s right, we set this up back in October 2014 to take the piss out of the food blogging scene in London. Our first blog was about London Cocktail Week, but we went and reviewed a Wetherspoons. All very, very clever.
For some reason we called ourselves Toby and Tony and used to write stupid reviews of places we’d been. We’d somehow get invited occasionally to eat food for free, either because someone thought we were funny or someone was utterly crap at their PR job.
Then, in 2017 I moved to Birmingham and ‘Toby’ moved to Copenhagen. What a loser. Imagine choosing Copenhagen over Birmingham.
I decided to continue this blog because frankly, I need something to do on public transport. I’m glad I did, this year I’ve had more views than in 2017 and 2018 combined – what an absolute hero.
Sadly, it wouldn’t have been possible for ‘Toby’ to continue contributing as he has not only moved to Denmark, but he also doesn’t like fish and now lives on nothing but hot dogs.
The main problem I have these days is the name we chose, as often people don’t realise it’s all a bit of a joke and actually think I’m the sort of wanker who would describe themselves as a ‘foodie’, but anyway, there we were and here we are.
Despite his total lack of commitment to the art of Food Blogging I decided to go and visit ‘Toby’ in CPH. I’d heard it’s a real foodies heaven! Foodie foodie foodie.
Breakfast – direktørsnegl at Lagkagehuset
Be still my beating heart, literally, my heart will stop working if I eat too many more of these.
Every day I went to a branch of the Lagkagehuset chain and bagged myself a direktørsnegl. A chocolate and cinnamon pastry swirl.
“Denne fede mand kræver et direktørsnegl, tak,” I’d say, and they’d happily oblige.
Oooooh baby they’re good, so good. If someone starts selling them in Birmingham I will break in and steal every single one of them while you sleep.
I think the good thing about having something you know you shouldn’t be eating for breakfast is you’re more likely to choose healthily for the rest of the day. Which brings me on to…
Lunch – BBQ at Warpigs
“James (that is Toby’s real name), for the love of Christ take me to the trendy meatpacking district. If I don’t see some meat being packed ASAP I’m going to force-feed you pickled herring until you vomit,” I demanded.
He obliged, and next thing you know I was knocking back fucking expensive Mikkeller beer in the sun.
Handily they let you eat food while you drink beer, and it’s good drinking food: BBQ from ‘two gigantic high-quality smokers, the biggest in Europe, that can smoke up to 2 tonnes of meat a day.’ Two tonnes of meat a day, almost more than your mum.
There wasn’t much brisket left, but I got the last little bit after I fought a man to death. I also ate hot links, buffalo chicken wings, macaroni cheese. WHOA MAMA!
The wings were a bit on the scrawny side but everything else tasted marvellous.
Second lunch – Grill Art – Reffen
Reffen is a street food market by the harbour. Street food is going to be massive, mark my words. What it is, right, is food but rather than sitting and eating it in a restaurant you eat it from a tray stood up or at a bench, honestly, it’s mad.
I went to Grill Art because it smelt good, and they were giving out tasters.
The taster was a bit of beef, very nice, so I naturally ordered the special which was a rack of lamb. Excellent it was too. With this in mind, have a photo of the view and not of the food I ordered.
Light snack – Hallernes Smørrebrød – Tivoli Food Hall
If I was to guess, I reckon ‘smørrebrød’ almost definitely translates as ‘stuff on bread’, for that, dear reader, is what it is.
As a man who doesn’t really like sandwiches (wraps are the way forward) these were almost definitely designed just for me.
Rye bread, covered in stuff. We chose the following stuff: pickled herring, prawns, chicken liver and smoked salmon. If chickens had any sense and lived in the sea you could say we had a seafood feast.
I loved the pickled herring, which no one else did, so I mainly ate that. Very Scandi of me. Watch me pay more tax and be generally happier. Losers.
Dinner – Marv & Ben
At Gatwick the day before we flew, I got an email – it was from Noma informing me that a table had become available the following day. “FUCK,” I said, and contemplated booking it. Then I remembered I’m not a millionaire.
Instead, for our fancy meal we went to Marvin and Benjamin, and what a lovely meal it was.
I’d had a few beers when we went to this, and had a aperitif and also did the wine pairing, and BOY do they not hold back on the wine pairings. Seven large glasses, well, nine, because my wife didn’t want one of hers and I really liked one of them so they gave me more. I was what I can only describe as ‘a bit pissed’ by the end.
However, I can tell you that there were a few standout courses.
New potatoes, lovage and cured witch flounder. This was delightful and reminded me of a dish from Sat Bains. Dipping the spoon into the foam and bringing out some rich, crunchy deliciousness.
Lamb, wild garlic and gooseberries was also excellent.
You also get a constant stream of bloody tasty freshly baked bread throughout the meal, which probably stops most people getting hammered. NOT THIS GUY THOUGH, GOOD TRY, DANES.
All in all, if you like food you might like Copenhagen.
Obviously I didn’t actually eat all this in one day, but hasn’t it given the blog the most lovely structure?