Let’s not beat around the bush here and get straight to the best line in this review:
ZZ Top? Zizzi Plop more like!
Clever right? It also tells you what I thought of the food at the Harborne branch of this Italian food chain.
Sometimes, against your better judgment, you end up at these places. It’s 14:30 on a Thursday, you’re going to Waitrose, haven’t eaten since breakfast and think, “fuck it, let’s pop in here for a pizza rather than end up spending £12,000 on crisps and dip in the supermarket.”
My favourite Waitrose dip? Thanks for asking, it’s the Pecorino & Basil Dip, it’s delightful. Dip a crisp in, dip a finger in, dip a dick in – they’ll all taste better for it.
We ordered a bottle of wine, garlic bread and a beef rustica pizza. The wine was perfectly inoffensive, the garlic bread was offensive.
When we ordered we were asked if we want cheese on the garlic bread, and said yes. What wasn’t explained is that the cheese version is also covered in caramelised red onion, so all you can taste is caramelised red onion – not garlic.
“Excuse me, there’s something wrong with the garlic bread.” I bellowed across the room.
“What’s the problem?” the waitress asked.
“It should be called carmelised red onion bread.”
“I shall pass this on to the manager.”
Even more offensive than the ‘garlic’ bread was the calamari. Why I thought ordering calamari at Zizzi would be a good idea is totally beyond me, and we can only hope for better decision-making in 2019.
It was, as you’ve probably already predicted – limp, rubbery, not very crispy and an insult to every creature dwelling under the sea.
The Rustica pizza was OK. The beef meatballs were actually quite tasty, but then they’ve made the mistake most Italians don’t, and continued to chuck more and more ingredients on top of it until it all just becomes a slightly spicy mess. It also had what looked like crispy, red pubes on top which was quite the treat.
I had about two slices and took the rest home, it’s been sitting in the fridge waiting for its inevitable trip to the bin ever since.
So, off I went to Waitrose having spent £40 that could have been invested in cheesy cock dip.