Review: Rockfish (Dartmouth)

To celebrate Easter 2016 I decided to take a trip to Devon, as Jesus might have done had he been born in Birmingham rather than Bethlehem.

On the Friday I decided to celebrate the death of the big JC by eating his favourite meal – fish, chips and curry sauce.

I settled on the Dartmouth branch of seafood chain Rockfish.

I took my seat and the waiter began to circle the fish they had available on the placemat in front of me.

“WHOA! I shouted. “Don’t write on the placemat!”

“It’s paper, sir.”

“My mistake. Please continue.”

He circled the gurnard, whiting and hake.

I grabbed the felt tip pen from him and wrote, ‘WWJH?’.

He looked at me, confused. I wrote it again, this time slightly bigger. I wrote it a third time – yet still he didn’t grasp what was happening.

“What would Jesus have?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. Perhaps the Whiting?”

“No! He’d have had the Gurnard, obviously. He would also have had a bottle of cider and some curry sauce.”

“I see, and what can I get you?”

‘WJWHH!’ I scrawled on the last remaining bit of space on the mat.

“What…Jesus…would…have…had?” The waiter nervously uttered.


Fish and chips
Fish and chips

My cider was crisp and refreshing – just as Jesus would have liked.

The chips were chippy, and were ‘eat as many as you like’, so I ordered a second portion as Jesus would have wanted me to be obese.

The fish was very good. I’ve often heard people say, “Oooh, what a meaty fish,” and I’ve often thought, “what a load of bollocks.” However, I can confirm that this Gurnard was a meaty fish.

All in all, I felt full and a littler closer to our Lord and Saviour.

Four boys out of five.


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