Steak, can’t beat a bit of steak can you? Unless you are a vegetarian or a vegan or something, then you’re probably not into steak at all.
If you are of that persuasion, you probably think cows should be left well alone, not chopped up and covered in mustard. The thing is though, you’re wrong. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Piers Morgan on you and pretend to find veganism upsetting for retweets, however, I do have to put an argument forward that might find you fetching a fillet, seeking a sirloin, requesting a rump etc.
Cow 1: “Getting busy in this field isn’t it?”
Cow 2: “Yes, mate. Considerably busier than it used to be.”
Cow 1: “I remember when this was all fields, but now, with the rise in plant-based eating, it’s more cows than fields.”
Cow 2: “Do you…”
Cow 1: “Do I what?”
Cow 2: “Do you… ever… wish someone would eat you?”
Cow 1: “THANK YOU! Yes, yes. I had a dream last night that I got chopped up and put in a delicious beef bourguignon.”
Cow 2: “My nan ended up in one of those.”
Cow 1: “Lucky cow.”
Makes you think doesn’t it? Why should your life have a purpose but a cow’s shouldn’t? Wandering about a field waiting to die of natural causes – no thank you, very much.
Now that we’ve got that sorted, let’s move on to Miller and Carter. I went to their Hockley Heath branch on a Tuesday night, it was surprisingly busy, full of men of a certain age who think they’re sophisticated.
I ordered a sirloin steak, which came with a ‘side salad’ a chunk of onions and a wedge of lettuce.
The steak was fine, cooked how I’d asked and pretty tasty. The block of onions was also quite nice.
Why the fuck I’d want a wedge of lettuce covered in buttermilk dressing and soggy croutons I’ve got no idea. The amount of these things that must end up back in the kitchen untouched must be quite impressive.
Anyway, that’s enough about that. Remember the chat we had with the cows earlier? If that didn’t convince you to continue eating meat, then the side salad here should do the trick.