I’ve seen some absurd birds in my time – no, not that type you vile, sexist pig. Actual birds.
Here’s the most absurd bird I’ve seen during the course of my life so far:
A few weeks ago I found myself in Exeter, I’d tell you why I was there if it was any of your fucking business – but it’s not, so keep your beak out of it.
After a few gins at Crocketts bar – I quite like it there, and a couple of ciders at The Old Firehouse – I like it there. I decided I needed food, I’d walked past ‘Absurd Bird’ earlier in the day and was pretty intrigued to find out which of our weird, feathered friends they were serving up.
“Perhaps it’s Pelican?” My woman friend suggested.
“We can only hope.” I answered.
After being seated it became pretty obvious that the only birds for consumption were chickens…
Chickens are not absurd, the only thing absurd about a chicken is that humans eat the eggs they shit out with alarming regularity.
We ordered wings: 6 x buffalo & 6 x smoked garlic parmesan and lemon and some chicken tenders.
The tenders were OK in that way chicken tenders you buy from Sainsbury’s when you’re hungover are OK.
The wings were shite. The buffalo were the better of the two because FRANKly you can put that sauce on anything and it’ll taste better. Honestly, try it. Anything. Yes, even that.
The smoked garlic Parmesan and lemon were an insult to chickens, garlic, Parmesan, smoking and lemon.
It tasted like tepid PVA glue.
After informing the waiter that I don’t really like the taste of PVA glue he offered to get us another type in exchange, we went for the crispy buttermilk wings in the hope of avoiding another sauce disaster.
They were shite too.