Did you know that we are not just the Foodie Boys, but we are also Foodie Boyfriends? As in, we both have girlfriends – not that we are going out with each other. Tony actually feels uncomfortable when a man comes within two feet of him. As in, stands near, not ejaculates. I think a stranger ejaculating within two feet of you would be disturbing for anyone.
We digress. With girlfriends (did we mention we have girlfriends?) come commitments (as in commitments arise, not ejaculating commitments – although that is sort of part of the package) including trips away for the weekend (or “minibreaks”) and visits from their friends and relatives to London.
So while Tony explored Bath, Toby played tour guide in London.
Tony does Bath
Ah, Bath! Who doesn’t love a bath? Well, me for one, I prefer a shower. I actually find the idea of baths quite horrid – sitting for an hour in hot water surrounded by your own muck. Vile.
The city itself is far from vile, it’s actually rather pleasant.
Thinking that our online friendship might buy me favour when it came to the bill we ordered Chris Cleghorn’s signature menu with wine pairing.
Unfortunately I was mistaken and received the full priced bill. Even more unfortunate is that I can’t seek revenge by writing a scathing review because it was really bloody great. #BloggerFail.
The standout dishes were: the turbot with smoked eel and fried mushrooms; and the veal pictured below.
— Foodie Boys (@FoodieBoys) May 20, 2016
They also let us swap the dessert we were supposed to receive for one on the other menu. The muscovado mousse, milk chocolate sorbet and salted caramel.
“The mousse is lovely. The thing encasing it reminds me of an Aero.” I remarked.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” My GIRLFRIEND answered enthusiastically.
“I like Aeros,” I continued.
“Yes, I know you do.”
“I watched a thing about how they get the bubbles in them on TV recently.”
“Yes, I was sat next to you.”
“Were you? Are you sure?”
“Can we get the bill please?”
This meal really was excellent and the wine and service were great too.
Four and a half boys out of five.
Toby Stays in London
Toby went to the TRAMshed! You can’t spell this without the word “meat” which perhaps goes some way to explaining their approach. Diners have two main options; steak or chicken, with a few different approaches.
And, despite the massive Damien Hirst cow in a box artwork suspended above me, I fancied the half chicken with fries. It would normally come with stuffing but I can’t have onion so I had to do without. It really knocked the stuffing out of me!
Here’s all the things I had. Half of a massive chicken, including a foot. Apparently they’re not battery hens but they must be genetically modified, as we all know, chickens do not have feet. Not a problem for me though.
It came with plentiful fries and a decent gravy. I also ordered, off the waitress’ recommendation, a tomato salad.
“What’s tomato with you?” I asked jokingly.
“Nothing,” she said, “I just think you’d like the salad.”
“No, I meant… don’t worry, I’ll have the tomato salad.”
“Oh what’s tomato! Like what’s the matter! Very good.” She laughed unconvincingly.
Eagle eyed readers may have noticed I got an Innis & Gunn beer. This was extremely tasty and our guests were impressed with my selection, as I expanded on the history of East London and its gentrification. After speaking at some length, it became apparent they didn’t know what gentrification meant, as this not a common word in Denmark.
But overall, the meal went rather well. I even high-fived the chicken. I wonder if the freakishly large chicken ever knew its body would be used for physical comedy after it died? I like to think it would find that comforting.
My girlfriend didn’t think the steak was too good. We accepted the waitress’ offer of dessert menus.
“You’ll get your just desserts,” she winked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped back before remembering our previous exchange. The tension was quickly defused and I ordered the chocolate mousse.
This came with honeycomb pieces, which gave it the taste of a fancy Crunchie bar. The flaky chocolate on top was much like a Twirl. A real selection pack of a dessert.
Four boys out of five.